Let’s Have a Party!

Let's Have a Party!

So yesterday I was channel surfing (is that still a thing people say?) and I happened upon the movie, “Julie and Julia”

I watched it and by the end I was like, “Wha Wha Whaaaaa……”

UGH! What a beautifully inspiring story! I HATE IT!
It’s not Julie Powell’s fault though. It’s mine. I took some time to feel sorry for myself and my sorry ass writing. I AM a writer who doesn’t write.

So as soon as my pity party was over I decided to pick up my laptop and start a new post. Which would have been a great testament to my dedication to writing, until I looked at the computer and opted to make gluten free strawberry shortcakes instead!

In my defense, it was for Allie’s 3rd birthday and they were SO DELICIOUS! I didn’t even get to take a picture of them because they were gone so quickly. But they were awesome!

We celebrated Allie’s birthday as a joint birthday with my cousin’s son Atlas. We, (Shane, Allie, Liam and I) drove to Roswell from Albuquerque to pick up Tawney and Haidyn and from there drove to Portales for an amazing weekend. All four kids played in the water and My cousin, her boyfriend and Shane and I had fun as well! And I just found out that my cousin is pregnant with her 2nd child, which is wonderful!

Ok, this post went way off topic but at least I WROTE! I stopped ignoring my loyal laptop and landed my fingers on the keys and let it flow… and flow… and flow…

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I woke up to the delicious air the

I woke up to the delicious air the rainy night created. It’s quiet in the house and the birds are chirping and the trees are moving with a breeze. It’s one of those mornings where I wish I had Folger’s in my cup and I don’t even drink coffee.

It seems perfect to me; my babies are asleep, Shane is enjoying what little rest he can get before another day of children and studying, and I’m just sitting here in an easy chair by the open front door and the window in the living room. Not that it rains much here in New Mexico, but I know I have missed a lot of moments like this due to stress and anxiety. I’m working on being a much calmer person, and for the first time in my life I think I can achieve my goal.

It feels good to let things wash away in the dark of night. When that happens, I get to see the beautifully new mornings.

Alcohol, Narcotics and Weed… Oh My!

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To some this sounds deadly. To me, they represent my only lifeline.

Although lately, the tether on this lifeline hasn’t been long enough to reach me.

It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep for the 4th night in a row. I am currently on a pain pill for my right kidney stone pain. I was hoping it would also put me to sleep but no luck. It didn’t even take all my pain away and it’s to late to take another one. I have an early morning with all my kids.

It’s my last day with Tawney and Haidyn tomorrow before they go off for 6 weeks with my ex’s parents for the summer. They are good people and my ex mother in law is even sweet to my younger babies who aren’t her grandchildren. I appreciate that and I trust her with my oldest girls completely. It may not sound like much but I am extremely grateful that I don’t have to stress about this (stress and anxiety only add to my fibro symptoms). Our big day tomorrow consists of a morning walk with other mom’s and kids, then we head off to breakfast at our favorite restaurant, Tim’s Place. Next we are going to Shane’s work to pick him up for his lunch break and then to the Gravity Park, a large trampoline arena, for some jumping (the girls will be gone before they see what that will do to me) and finally we are ending the day together with frozen yogurt at Menchies. I am so looking forward to it. I am also worried about how my energy will be throughout the day. I love my baby girls so much and I want to be a mom that they enjoy their time with. Tawney is already cautious around me and has been conditioned to ask me how I’m feeling ever hour. It breaks my heart and I am determined to have fun with them before they leave.

I had to stop myself from drinking an entire bottle of wine for dinner tonight that Shane was kind enough to bring me when I asked. He made no remark to me about my lapse of better judgement considering I had told myself, and him, that I wasn’t going to drink anymore since I was starting to build up to high of a tolerance. So I asked around in the hopes of finding an alternative that could help get me to sleep and a lot of people advised me to try marijuana. So I got some, and gave it a try.

Now this may sound incredibly naive but I know virtually nothing about smoking and was knocked on my ass when I did it for the first time. I tried it a few more times and figured out how to get to feeling good and, mercifully, tired without completely incapacitating myself. Oh yea. Have I mentioned before that I have chronic asthma? Well I do. It was my first diagnosis at the age of 5 and a few days of smoking almost turned my asthma into full blown bronchitis, so I had no choice but to stop. Thus, the no sleeping this entire week. Thus the wine binge tonight. Thus, the self loathing. (Just kidding. Sort of.)

I’m exhausted but I keep at it. Everyday I try to do more and more to fill my time alone. I spend almost a third of my day alone in the middle of the night. It’s really depressing. So to stay focused, I work. I work on the Etsy store. I work on the wedding invitations. I work on my direct sales businesses. I work on my novels. I work on laundry. I make soap. I research other crafts I haven’t tried yet. I watch Etsy online labs. I cry. And now apparently, I write blog posts.

Us Fibromites have a saying that goes, “Nobody gets it, until they get it.” I would never wish the accursed, “it” on anyone. I hope it never happens to you. But if it does, I hope you find something that works and that you have a support system that doesn’t enable you but supports you on your journey to finding what’s helpful without judgement. Lastly, I hope that the journey doesn’t take you forever.

“No Pain, No Gain” Well, except for the people who are trying to sell you something for the pain part

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“No Pain, No Gain.”  is not something that you EVER hear from a person with chronic pain.

“Yes Pain, No Gain” sure.

Better yet, is the most accurate, “Yes Pain, Less Gain” because there is nothing to be gained from chronic pain.

Maybe I can turn this into a rap…

I have been having a really bad flare up for the last couple of days. I have only had about 4 or 5 hours of accumulative sleep in the last 3 days. I’m exhausted and irritable and just so tired of all the crap out there that tries to take advantage of people who suffer. Fibromyalgia is different from Lupus which is different from MS which is extremely different from arthritis.

Now don’t get me wrong, I greatly appreciate that there are people out there who want to help me feel better and offer up products that they swear by for their pain or maybe they happen to sell them and someone else told them that it would work for me. To all those people who just want to help I say:

Thank You

But for all those people who are just trying to make a buck… and believe me, pain is a BIG business. I myself have spent thousands of $$$ in the last year alone trying to find some kind of relief… To you people who are only about the money I say:

Fu@k You!

Part of the reason I am depressed right now is because there are so many, “Try this and the pain goes away FOREVER!!!”

Ok, just some education. Fibromyalgia has NO cure as of right now and it’s still not even completely understood. It is something that is being looked into but if you have it and someone tells you that you can be rid of your symptoms for good if you just do or take this, turn around and walk away. Take your money and use it for a spa day. Relaxing and De-stressing might end up helping more than a magic elixir.

I’m not saying that there isn’t anything out there that may help you find some relief, and there may be some genuine testimonies from people who really feel better now and just want to help you. My point is that when it comes to your pain and your money, you need to use some common sense. If something seems to good to be true it probably is and be aware that not all pain is the same.  When all is said and done, the stress of disappointment from a product that doesn’t work for you may actually make your symptoms worse.

This is the day…

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Yesterday, Shane quit his job at a retail support call center for a well known cellular company. He had been battling with himself about quitting for weeks. On the one hand, he had this job that he was really good at and he was making pretty good money (though he absolutely hated it). He was #8 out of 250 people at this call center and would receive a bonus every month for ranking so high. On the other hand. He has been looking into a well know life insurance agency for a career change. He started studying to become an agent a couple of weeks ago and last week used his days off to attend their training. We hardly saw him.

My fibromyalgia has been bothering me more and more, having to take on more responsibilities with the house and the kids and the business. I was tired and I missed him. 

So I decided to take the kids out for the day and drive to his work to pick Shane up for lunch. The first thing he said as he got in the car was, “I hate this job. I can’t wait to quit.” 

“What are you waiting for?” I asked.

“Well, I was waiting to pass my license test so we could keep making money until I completely switched over to the new company.” He answered.

We looked at each other and I drove to a nearby gas station to fill up the car. (I like it when he does it because he looks so handsome standing by the pump. I also like hearing the kids laugh as he makes funny faces at them through the window.) When we got back on the road we drove around for a bit and I asked him what he was waiting to quit for? We had some money to use during this time and I promised to cut back on my spending. I pointed out how exhausted he was and that he was going to take his studying down to the wire if he continued to work full time. 

He looked at me and said, “That is such a good point. I’m going to quit after work today.” He was so confident but that confidence waned a little as we pulled up to the call center so I could drop him off. He questioned his decision one more time and looked to me to give him some reassurance. 

“You need to quit.” I said simply, knowing it was the right thing. He smiled and told me that he was going to do it and I felt so happy knowing he would come home tonight relieved. 

He’s been here all day today; interrupting whatever I’m doing to ask me to look over his latest Tweet, riling the kids up, asking to watch “Groundhog Day” as a family AFTER his favorite HGTV show, plus he ate all my boiled eggs! And I find myself asking… Oh Lord, what did I do? I love this man.

 

We are the Beards

 

 

 

 

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I am Alexis Anaya.

I am the fiance of Shane Murphy aka ShaneHasABeard. Together we have 4 children (ages 1, 3, 5 and 7), with my two oldest coming from a previous marriage. Shane is an amazing step-dad and dad, but we face challenges just like everyone. I deal with Fibromyalgia on pretty much a daily basis and kidney stones on and off for three years, while staying at home with our kids, running my two Direct Sales business and working on the promotion and product line of @shanehasabeard. Shane is currently working two jobs (transitioning out of one and into another), always has his mind on new material for his Twitter account and suffers from OCD daily.

Take all that and add our wedding in September and a big move to another state in December and you have the recipe for our hectic but normal (to us anyway) lives.

Sometimes Shane and I look at each other and wonder if we will ever catch a break but then we realize, that would be boring. Now is the time to discover what we want. We are adults and face adult situations while at the same time still finding ourselves and defining who we want to be as individuals, a couple, parents and professionals. It’s such an amazing time in our lives and I am so excited about documenting it. 

We are the Beards, it’s so nice to meet you!

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